Thursday, April 17, 2008

i've been living a lie

I stole your walrus. I didn't mean to steal it. I saw him, sitting there outside on a bench for almost an hour, and thought to myself, "Oh, no, someone's walrus, it's going to get taken." So I took it. I meant to put "FOUND: Walrus" posters up, but it slipped my mind once I got him back to my room. He fit in so nicely with Chipmunk and Tiger that I convinced myself he belonged sitting on my bed.

Then, a few days later, I saw your signs posted around campus. I felt guilty and ashamed, I was the one who had stolen your walrus, wasn't I? I wanted to call you, tell you I had him...but what would I say? Hi, my name is Nicolle, I'm a complete weirdo obsessed with walruses and just decided to snag yours when I saw him on a bench the other day. I'm sorry, I'll give him back. No, I couldn't call you. I tried to talk BF into calling for me, or dropping the walrus off in the same spot where I found him, but I had gotten myself into this mess, and he insisted I get myself out.

I had to give the walrus back to you, but I couldn't find the courage to meet you in person or reveal my identity. I was too embarrassed. Who steals a walrus? I mean, really. So I went to the library to scope out potenial walrus hiding spots, a place for him to be safe from thievery. I chose a random study room upstairs and put him in the chair. Making a temporary screenname savethewalrus2007, I sent a text message to your phone, telling you where to find your beloved stuffed animal. I didn't stick around to see if you ever rescued him, but I hope you did.


XOXO said...

the found posters would have been so effing awesome, you FAIL.

Anonymous said...

You... you're a... MONSTER!!

You bring shame into the heart of every walrus out there.

Today it's a walrus. But what next? What about when the "thrill" of stealing kids' toys doesn't get you high anymore? Are you going to steal the kid itself?

There's a place for people like you, it's called MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON. Shame on you.

Once-stolen-but-now-found Walrus